January 24, 2023

My thoughts while cooking...

It's 8 pm as I stood in the kitchen making soup because that's all I could stomach after work. Today was a somewhat tough day I acknowledged…accepting that I went for a walk instead of going to the gym, worked 10 hrs and then went grocery shopping all whilst not feeling well, I call that a win. Today was tough for several reasons but I finally pulled myself out of that limiting and anxious mindset and realized it was all happening for me. See, healing has lots of phases and one of them is purging/releasing. If you’re on your healing journey, you can attest to how the odd symptoms start to arise out of nowhere and you realize that it’s all just your body purging/releasing past experiences that have been stuck there for god knows how long. Some experiences are positive, some are traumatic to even think about if you can remember them, some people have trauma so deep they cannot even remember it, the brain shuts off that part in order to protect itself because if we open Pandora’s Box who knows what will happen. And although it’s scary at times, if you want when you’re ready, you open Pandora’s Box and let it flow, Surrender to the unknown. And just know that at the end of the day what matters most is that you are who you are truly meant to be, you find that strength knowing that no one’s coming to save you. Stripping back the layers put on you by society and realizing that these were never your layers to carry. It’s a difficult process, some people do not wish to share as it’s a level of vulnerability most people cannot handle. And that is okay. Over time, you slowly start to become vulnerable. It won’t be comfortable at first because most of us were not taught to be vulnerable but remember with being uncomfortable comes growth. And on the other side of vulnerable is freedom an hella love for yourself, you start to heal and love the pieces of you you suppressed for so long. And you have to remember to just trust and believe it will be okay no matter what, no matter how messy it gets. It won’t be easy, it’s not linear but it will be worth it because with healing comes growth, the level up as I like to call it. And that shit, that’s worth living for.